I might have to get on my SOAPBOX x4

I'm sorry to deviate, yet again, from my usual post, but I have found another subject that needs to be addressed. I was actually going to write about this the other day, but I need to take time for myself too, plus it gave me some time to really get my thoughts together better about this. The subject is the increase of child abuse and subsequent death. In Arizona, in the last year, I believe we have had  6, that we know of. That is six children, that their parents, abused to the point of death! What is the worst thing that these children could have done to deserve being killed? Now the general public is crying out for a major upheaval of Child Protective Services (CPS) because they feel that the social workers are not doing their jobs.

 

I have two points of view to look at this from. One is from the view of the social worker. As a former case worker myself, I can honestly say that there is not enough time to truly focus on everyone on your caseload, and sometimes people fall through the cracks. It's my understanding that a special task force will be started that will be fully trained on how to detect child abuse with out the child saying anything. This is something that we should have had in place a long time ago. CPS is completely overwhelmed with cases, they do not have the time to focus on which children are being abused and which ones are at risk. With different departments focusing on different children, maybe these children can be taken off the "at-risk watch list", and the other children can continue to live without fear of continued abuse. When I worked with people with mental illnesses, I had a small caseload, which allowed me to focus on all of my clients. However, most other case workers had caseloads over 100. This is, I'm sure, what the CPS caseworkers have to deal with. It's too many people for the amount of pay. Not that that should be an excuse, but when you pay mediocre wagers, you are bound to hire mediocre people. Another example from my old job, there was a woman that was so rude to the clients, she would treat them stupid and demean them. It was disgusting to watch. She was actually the reason I left that job. Someone needs to protect these children since it is quite apparent that their own parents choose not to, but a better system needs to be implemented or restructured so no child is left behind.

 

The other point is from that of a parent. Sometimes it is rough being a parent, especially a single parent. When G was young, I remember telling my mom that I can see why some parents shake their children. I never would, but when you are all alone with a child that won't stop screaming and crying it feels like the last resort. I had a great support system when G was little, so that if I felt like I was getting to that point, I could pass her to another relative. However, these parents that starve their children or beat them with belts and other objects, well that is just inexcusable. The latest child that was killed, was kept in a closet for days. Her older siblings described the odor coming from the closet as death, and the girl looked like a "zombie", I assume because she was gaunt from malnutrition. They mentioned not seeing her for a few weeks before her mother finally called the police saying she was kidnapped.

 

We have all seen this "show" before. Parent calls police stating that their child has been abducted. Weeks into the investigation, police focus more on the parent, and eventually it is found that the parent killed the child. It's getting old. The worst part is that when Casey Anthony was acquitted, I knew the nation was going to see an increase of child abuse/killings because the abusive parents knew they were going to be able to get away with it. What bothers me the most is why are these children being killed, when the parents can take them to a fire station or a hospital and leave them there. Why are these people having these children to abuse?

 

I love my G with all my heart. If I could have her sleep next to me so I could hear her breathe all night, I would be in Heaven. I wouldn't sleep, but I'd be in Heaven! I feed her first at dinner time. Any money I have goes towards buying things for her. I can't imagine loving anyone more that I love her. So as a mother that gave birth to my little angel, I  can not understand how other mothers can kill their little angels! Children need discipline, yes, but not torture and abuse. It just makes me so angry how people can do this to their own children! I'm more of an eye for an eye type of person, so I think that these abusers need some of their own medicine, but the country would never let us lock prisoners in a closet and starve them to death. It's immoral and illegal. Huh, what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander. Sad.

 

 

Next time: Seems so superficial to follow up with my next post, but I will.                         

Full of what exactly?

It's Thanksgiving. A day to reflect on all the good things in our lives. Lately I've been too busy focusing on the shit, so I guess today came just in time. I live in a country where I am free to wear whatever kind of clothes I want. Where my daughter can grow up and be whatever she wants to be. I live in a home where I feel safe sleeping every night. I have a family that accepts me for my quirks and loves me despite my bad choices. I can have fish in my bedroom. I can sit in the backyard and enjoy the night sky. I can go for a drive and see what the desert has to over. Hell, I'm allowed to drive! Yes, I have a lot of reasons to be thankful.

 

Today started out as any other day except the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was on. It was the first day in years that I actually got to watch the whole thing. I ate breakfast with G. That's where my day started to get interesting. My mom handed my a couple of letters that came in the mail the day before. The first letter I couldn't tell you what it was, I don't remember it, but the second letter that's the important one. It was a letter from DES, Department of Economic Security, the child support enforcement division. I opened it thinking it would be same old story, here's another letter telling you that we are trying to get Douche-bag to pay you money, BUT he still doesn't have a job so blah blah blah! But it wasn't! It was a freaking check!!! I just kind of sat there in shock, wondering if it was a real check,what's the catch, am I dreaming? It is real! I, after almost 4 and a half years, have finally received something from that dead beat, loser, Douche-bag, besides a cheap ass toy that he slipped on my front doorstep while everyone was asleep.

 

Oh and then I had some turkey!

 

 

Next time: It's beginning to look a lot like . . . I'm gonna be spending a shitload on Christmas this year!                             

Favorite things about Thanksgiving!

Holidays always make me feel nostalgic. I long for the time that we used to live in New York, and having loads of family to celebrate with. Living in Arizona, the only family is my brothers and sister and their families. Next year we will be able to celebrate with my other sister, as she will be moving her family out here, too. I miss being able to run around with my cousins playing in someone's yard. These days we don't run, we chase our own children. As the years go by our family gets bigger and bigger, soon the children with start families of their own, too.

 

Besides being with family, one of the things I love about Thanksgiving is the turkey. There is just something about that large bird that screams HOLIDAY! Then we surround it with tons of other foods, homemade mashed potatoes, corn, green beans. We drink and be festive as our children run around chasing each other as we once did. Then it's time for dessert! Pumpkin pie, apple pie, cheesecake, coffee.

 

It isn't the same celebrating holidays without the snow and unbearably cold weather. I suppose it doesn't really matter where you are, how old you get or what the temperature is outside, as long as you are with family, the holidays will always be special! Even though I will be separated from a  lot of my family tomorrow, I will still have a wonderful Thanksgiving, as I'm sure they will, and will continue to make more wonderful memories. To everyone out in cyberspace that enjoys my blog, please have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

Next time: Full of what exactly?                                                 

Something a little less painful

I went to go see my pain management doctor the other day. She asked me how my shoulders have been doing, all the normal questions. I told her that during the day, I've been doing fine, but at night I must be sleeping wrong because I wake up in so much pain. She really wants me to see a chiropractor, but my insurance doesn't cover chiropractic service. My spine is slightly tweeked. It could be from normal growth it just moved, or while playing sports it moved. In any case, it is shifted, not curved, but more like a slight rotation. It's just enough to cause a little bit of pressure on the nerve that extends out to my shoulder and mess up the whole works. Then she was asking me about my ribs, that should have cleared up months ago. Apparently, it is possible to sprain the muscles that run in between and connect the ribs (intercostal muscles). Well I sprained them initially during a flight to New York last year, and I still occasionally have pain. Nothing too severe, but enough to make me wince in pain. She gave me some Lidoderm patches that are AMAZING! She also thinks that my floating rib may have been jolted out of its normal position, and that would explain why I still have pain. Always a good time at the doctor's office. Then she informs me that she wants my PCP to take over prescribing me the medications that she has been giving me. Her job is to find a way for me to manage my pain, and she has completed her job. I'll be sad to leave her, she is a really nice doctor.

 

Tomorrow I get to visit with my Psychiatrist. I'll be informing her of my increase in paranoia. Although, experience tells me that I won't get the chance because she'll want to discuss my new purse or watch or something completely off subject. Oh well! I should probably tell her about my anxiety about my pending court decision, too. After all, I'm a frigging mess about it, and will be until it is resolved.

 

 

Next time: Favorite things about Thanksgiving!                               

Corners of my mind

Several times during the day I find my mind wandering. What am I going to do if I never get my record cleared? I have no idea how I am going to support my child! To be honest, my parents are not going to live forever, and that scares the shit out of me. How am I going to get a job as a felon? I don't understand how convicted felons that do years in prison and then get released get jobs! I didn't even serve any time and I can't get a second glance at an application. I should hear back soon about whether or not the courts are going to dismiss the charge against me. Then I get to plan the next part of my life, trying to become a nurse at 35. Still though, I have that nagging thought in the back of my head, what if I'm stuck being a felon for the rest of my life? I only have so much in this world, but it won't matter if I can't live on my own. What is my daughter going to think of me when she gets older? It's bad enough that her father is a deadbeat loser, but to have two loser parents? I don't want her to grow up pitying me! I will do everything in my power to make sure that G never sees me that way. That she is always happy and well taken care of. I'll figure out a way.

Next time: Something a little less painful                              

Fun with cooking

Thanksgiving is this week which means I need to start baking soon so that I'm on time for Christmas. I love to bake, or maybe, I love to take pictures of my creations. Either way, I have a good time. I could do without the back pain that comes with it, but c'est la vie! For several years I have been trying a variety of recipes, trying to find "my dish". Typically I am called upon to make my "green bean casserole", however it truly belongs to French's and Campbell's, not me. In all honesty though, can anyone who follows a recipe call it their own?

This will be the third year that I will be preparing "Friend's Christmas Dinner" and every year I grant the same request: Pasta e Fagioli. For those of you who don't know Italian, it means pasta and beans, literally. It certainly does not sound appetizing, but when made properly it is such a filling, and deliciously flavorful meal, that it is understandable why my friends enjoy it every year. Living in the Southwest, it is difficult to find a good Italian restaurant. There was one that I would go to twice a week for their Pasta e Fagioli, and they disappeared. I went there one week, was sick for a week, then boom they were gone! Not very many restaurants carry that as a staple soup anyway, so I reluctantly went to Olive Garden. Utter tragedy! Their broth is white, it isn't even the right color! I thought I would give them a second chance, no, it's still bad. So now I make my own. Granted, I use a recipe from a cookbook, but I marry the ingredients together, so it's "my dish".

Along with dinner, we do a gift exchange. This year I am going to attempt a sweets basket. I have been compiling several different cupcake, cookie, and butter brickle type recipes to make for my friends. I am excited to start baking and trying the new things, but at the same time I'm worried that I may have set myself up for a disaster. I am going to be doing a lot of different desserts in a short amount of time. As I get closer to preparing these desserts, I will include photos, so check back here for an update. I probably will not include the recipes, but if you are interested in a dish, let me know and I'll post the recipe.

As I am writing this, I am thinking of at least two more desserts that I'd like to include, but I am wondering if I have already reached my limit. It is going to be a very interesting holiday season!

Next time: Corners of my mind                     

I might have to get on my SOAPBOX x3

I'm going to start this blog by first stating that this entire blog is a make up of my personal thoughts and opinions. If you are in any way insulted or offended by what you are reading, you are more than welcome to go somewhere else for your entertainment. And now, on with the show!

I have absolutely no sympathy for the people who are making themselves victims in the "Occupy Wall Street" movement. I understand you. I have heard your various arguments. I empathize with you . . . but now I'm done with you. I have no need to live in an anarchistic country. I am in no way a "capitalist pig", I can barely live within my means! I have created the life that is set before me, and it is up to me, and only me, to change the course of that life.

I wanted the dream that every little kid learns about in school. I knew the only way to do that was through a good education. I focused on little by little, working while going to Community College, so I would not have to take a loan for school yet. I still worked while attending University, but I understood that I would need to take small loans to get myself through till graduation. My plan to graduate from college with a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology did not include a follow up plan of how to make money because, as anyone knows, social workers do not make tons of money. I did my job, though, proudly! I loved working with people who have varying types of mental illnesses. Unfortunately, at this time in my life, I let my heart lead me astray. I no longer was focused on my career, I was focused on the man that I thought would create a new family with me. Although he did the crimes, I didn't stop him. I DIDN'T STOP HIM!! I could have walked away from him, and went back to my old life, my happy life, but I wanted a family. That's what comes next in the list of accomplishments, right? When I was arrested, he was no where to be found, literally. So much for my Prince! Now I have no one to blame for what my life has become but myself. Honestly, I love to blame that Douche-bag, but I made my own decisions, or lack of decisions as they may be. I am responsible for writing the letters to the court, and making sure that all the proper documents are filed to get MY LIFE BACK!  My life! So one day I can truly finish my education, and get a job that I can support myself and G on, and maybe one day afford a little 3-bedroom house with a small yard, and a nice eco-friendly hybrid.

So to get back to my soapbox, the reason why these protesters piss me off is because they are expecting the handout. No one gets handouts except people on line for samples at Cost-Co or people in line at the local shelter. Brutal, yes, and also honest. You can't go to a bank and expect them to start handing out 100s. What is anyone expecting to get out of yelling at a child that is being escorted to their private school by his or her wealthy parent?? And don't try to deny that some of you weren't doing it, here is proof! Also, it's real nice to have people from Hollywood backing some of your protests, but do you realize the majority of them go home to lavish lifestyles? It is really hard to take someone serious that backs the OWS movement, but at the same time are flying off to vacation paradises. I don't know, maybe that's just my opinion. And what exactly is the idea behind sitting in the street?? That is called "civil disobedience", and has no bearing on a peaceful protest. You want to protest? Do it where you are suppose to and you will be more likely to get your message across. I did a peaceful protest, and it was to protest the proposed decrease of funds to children with disabilities. I don't remember seeing any of you out there sweating in the sun while us parents walked around the state capitol pushing strollers. Once someone came out and took the time to listen to our CONCISE AND WELL THOUGHT OUT IDEAS, we dispersed. We knew we were heard! We did it without a single arrest! We did it without pissing off a population that we were supposed to be standing up for! Do you hear me now?! You look like assholes yelling at people who are simply going to work to make a living! That goes the same for picking fights with police officers. I'm sure they understand some of your views, but they are paid to enforce the law, not to let a bunch of people run around a crowded city, lawless and angry. The country has heard you, the world has heard you, now go home and try to get a job, because what you are doing now is not benefiting anyone!

I am the 99%, and I will continue to work my ass off to make my life what I want it to be. Although I suppose if I look at it like that, it really makes me the 1%!


Next time: Fun with cooking