I didn't fall off the planet

I checked out last month. Way too much stuff to do! I started receiving child support checks from Douche-bag at the end of November and they have, thankfully, been coming on a semi-regular basis. This has me a bit concerned because will Douche-bag think he has some "right" to see his daughter now that he pays for her? More court paperwork to file! Then there was Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Year's. A whole lot of crazy! G also started playing soccer, so I'm the assistant coach to a bunch of energetic 4-5 year olds.

Speaking of court paperwork, I finally received word back from the Commissioner about dismissing my guilty verdict. Denied. It's really depressing because about a week before I got the letter, I had an offer for a job that would have pretty much overlooked my conviction, but it was doing work that doesn't interest me. It was a stupid decision, but I really thought that they would dismiss the charge so I could go back to school and get in to the Nursing Program. I had a plan and the whole thing blew up in my face! It's a real blow to the self esteem when you can't do what you want to do in life. 

How much would my life had been different if I never met Douch-bag? That is what has been going through my head since the day I got the letter. Would I still be living at M's with my dog, Louie? Living a single girl lifestyle of constant partying? Would I be married by now? Would Gia still have been born? I can't imagine waking up without her.

And I'm lonely. I used to have a group of guy friends (My Boys) that I went out with every week. I never expected any of them to buy me drinks, they were there for fun conversation and to keep the creeps away. I miss that. I don't have a guy friend to go hang out with at a bar or club. Going out with the girls is ok, but I feel like I have nothing to add to the conversation.  I had a guy friend, but there was something wrong with the communication and that just didn't work out well.

So now I find myself desperately trying to get out of bed. Not wanting to go to bed at night. Dragging myself through the day as best as I can. I feel like there is no one I can talk to because what kind of feedback am I gonna get? They don't understand my situation, but they feel for me, "injustice" is often said. Again it makes me wonder if I'm still being punished. I just don't know how I'm gonna provide for G. Even if I make the decision to go back to school to study something else, is my past going to continue to haunt me?

                                             

Good stuff to numb our minds!

I love to watch television. I love to see other people's imagination come alive for my entertainment. It's hard to find good shows though. Lately, however, there have been some really goods shows coming out, truly imaginative pieces of work. One of my favorite is The Walking Dead. It is never too early to start preparing for the zombie apocalypse, and this is the perfect show to watch for pointers. The characters are great, the storyline is superb, it is a show that needs to stay on for a while.

 

Another show I enjoy is Terra Nova. It's still starting out, but the premise is terrific. if you haven't watched, it's about a group of people that have traveled back in time to prehistoric Earth. The twist is that it's a different timeline than our own, that way they can't do anything to alter the future. They traveled back because the future is so messed up, the human race is attempting to start over. At the same time, there is a separate group that is trying to sabotage everything that the original settlers are trying to accomplish. So the whole time you watch, you're wondering "who really are the good guys"?

 

Recently, a new show has started that completely blows me away with every new episode they air. That show would be American Horror Story. Each episode ends leaving more questions to answer than have been resolved. It's confusing, but not in a frustrating way. It's about a family (father, mother, daughter) that moved into a house in California. What they didn't know was that the house is haunted, and the ghosts are very real. It is the kind of show that you really have to pay attention to everything in order to have some idea of what is happening; are we in the past, in the present, is that person alive, are they all ghosts?

 

Once Upon A Time also recently started, and is proving to be a genuinely good show. I keep wanting to know more, but then I realize once all the secrets are revealed, the show will be over. To sum up, The Evil Queen did a spell causing all of the characters in our favorite children's tales to be brought into our world, hence no happy endings. (Wow that's kind of sad even coming from The Evil Queen) Now that they are in our world, they have no memory of who they were. A young boy works each week to try to get people to remember who they were, and get his real mother (long back story) to break the curse of The Evil Queen.

 

Currently not playing because they run on a different schedule, are shows that I enjoy from the BBC. Doctor Who and Torchwood are must see tv! If you haven't heard of either of these shows, rent them and catch up! I really can't say too much about either of these shows without giving everything away, but Torchwood is a spinoff of Doctor Who. Also, they are both Sci-fi shows, so if you don't like sci-fi, don't bother, you won't understand it!

 

Each season brings something new, some creative form of someone's imagination. I can't wait to see what 2012 brings!

 

 

Next time: Where are all my packages?                                          

What's that in the air?? Must be craziness!

Sometimes I take entirely too much stuff onto my plate. This year I have decided to plan and make Christmas Eve dinner. Quite an enormous undertaking as it is. I blame Food Network. All their shows get my creative juices flowing, and usually it's a bit much for me to handle. So not only am I making our Friend's Christmas Dinner, but now I'm cooking for my family for Christmas Eve. Not my best plan. But I have my lists done.

Whenever I start to do something big, like cook dinner for a million, I start with making a list. What are the foods I want to prepare? Then I make an ingredients list, so I know what I need to buy at the store or if I already have it on hand in the kitchen. Then I shop. Then I prep. What item can I make first because it can sit, like cookies or cake, unlike soup which needs to be served hot? And this year I am making a lot of foods that I have never tried to make before so that should make things more interesting.

Plus, now that I have all the presents bought for Christmas, I have to wrap them. I suppose this week would be the best time to do that because after that I'll be cooking and baking for 2 weeks. I'm so excited for this year's Christmas, too. G is at a great age were she can really appreciate the magic of Christmas. 

Oi! I'm already tired and I haven't even started yet!

Next time: Good stuff to numb our minds!                                     

I just don't know anymore

Life is great and then throws a friggin' curve ball at you. I could really do without the curve ball for a bit! Just when I thought my shoulder was felling better that I could tell my Doctor that it was fine to transfer me back to my PCP, it starts acting up! Pain to the point that I want to remove my arm at the shoulder. No rhyme or reason as to what sets the pain off. It just comes, sticks around for a while, and then leaves again. I think with all the chaos in my head it had to come out somewhere and my shoulders are my stress point.

 

And then we had another fish die. It was either frick or frack, we're not sure, but the other one is fine. So I take, whoever it was, out of the tank, and G is cracking up. This is totally not how she reacted when the albino died. I asked her if she wanted to flush the toilet, and she was like "oh yeah"! Then she said, "well we'll just have to get a new one". Four and a half and this kid has a good grip on life and death, although simplistic, she understands. 

 

Now for tomorrow,my niece and I are taking our girls to see Santa and take their picture with him. It should be interesting at the least. Then we are taking them shopping to buy the other kids presents. (Torture!) Maybe we'll get some snow in the valley and it will semi improve this shitty week. We shall see.

 

 

Next week: What's that in the air?? Must be craziness!                                                

Tutor time, ugh!

It's kind of funny that last night I decided to write about tutoring because today I was notified that I wouldn't be tutoring anymore. It really sucks because that was my income, as little as it was, it was something. Apparently, one of the students I was tutoring was not doing any of her school work. She was doing her work while I was there, and nothing else during the week. She was told that she would be put on academic probation, but continued to slack off until they kicked her out of home school today. Her mother, my friend, figured that if she would be sending one girl back to public school, she might as well send them both back. Therefore, no more work for me.

 

Even though I did plenty of complaining, the job was good for me. It got me out of the house twice a week, and G was going to school while I tutored. I enjoyed doing math with her younger daughter. I think she was really understanding what I was teaching her. Now, because her older sister was selfish and lazy, everything is ruined.

 

How do you get kicked out of home school anyway? I mean, I hate to say it, but all you have to do is the work, and it isn't that hard. Granted I already completed school, but some of the work was just silly easy. It all comes down to kids feeling like they can do or say whatever they want to do without fear of consequences. last year, this same girl flunked out and had to redo the same grade over. You think she would have learned her lesson then, but apparently not! 

 

I'm feeling pretty down about this because I still haven't heard back from the judge. Even though I received a check for child support, I have no idea if I will be receiving any more. At least I took care of everything that G wanted for Christmas, and her happiness is all that really matters to me anyway.

 

 

Next time: I just don't know anymore                                                 

Aren't we supposed to lead by example?

What kind of a world are we leaving for our children? My daughter thinks it's perfectly normal to be raised in a single parent home. To add to it, she sees her cousin being raised the same way. They grow up watching the violence in movies, video games, on the news, and yet we expect them to behave like perfect little angels when they are among their friends. Some children go home where they are brutalized by their parents, and then when they return to school and bully other children, we ask why?

 

I fear the day that G has to start school. Not just because my baby will be a big girl, and it will be the start of her going out and exploring the world without me, but I'm worried how other children will treat her. I see other parents all over facebook talking about how their children are teased at school or physically abused by other kids and the parents don't know what to do. How have we lost the way to teach our children to respect others?

 

I know it's a stupid thought, but I just wish we could live in a world of peace. And I mean peace all the way down to the playground. It's just a pipe dream, but maybe if we instill in them the proper playground rules, they will take those rules to the adult world. Things so simple as sharing, using manners, not bullying, and always making the new kid feel welcome. Wouldn't that make the world so much better?

 

 

Next time: Tutor time, ugh!                                           

It's beginning to look a lot like . . . I'm gonna be spending a shitload on Christmas this year!

G has been looking through Toys R Us catalogs since they came out this year. She's been going through them with pens and pencils circling all the things she wants Santa to bring her this year. She has been getting so big lately, it's hard to see a four year old when I look at her. She is very smart for her age, and enjoys doing lots of things on her own. Very independent! So far she has asked for a new bicycle, a guitar, a dinosaur, a fijit (it's like a dancing robot), some Barbie dolls, etc. I want nothing more than to give her everything she wants, but sometimes too much stuff is really too much!

 

I'm trying to keep everything within reason. A new bicycle makes sense. Her last one was a tricycle. She loves riding it around, but will have more fun on this new bike she picked out. It has training wheels and a little basket on the front for a dolly. I don't know where she came up with the idea for a guitar, but I thought "why not". The one they had was for a fairly good price, and it has the chords lettered so she knows where to put her fingers. Hopefully she can play that better than her recorder, oy! I also got her some interactive video games to go to the Kinect system. I think she's gonna get a kick out of them. One is "Once Upon a Monster" and she gets to play with the Sesame Street characters. The other one is "Kinectimals". I don't really know a whole lot about that game, but I'm sure she'll love it. 

 

I also decided that I need to buy presents for my niece and nephews that live back East. I think my niece will enjoy what I got her, but I have no idea what to get for the boys. Then there are my nieces and nephews out here that I have to buy for. No one is telling anyone what the kids want! It's insane. I really don't like buying gift cards for Christmas. Also I ordered my mother's gift tonight. I'm so excited! I think she is gonna get a kick out of it, and hopefully use it. The dollar signs just keep adding up and up!

 

Honestly, though, I think that as long as G gets everything she wants for Christmas, that will be enough of a gift for me. Well that and those boots that I've had my eye on!

 

 

Next time: Aren't we supposed to lead by example?